Roller Coaster
A close friend of mine asked me the other day, "what truly makes you happy?" To my surprise, it was a challenge to answer. As many would describe me as emotionally stable.I am able to think clearly in chaotic situations, unexpected situations, remain calm outwardly most of the time. While I was in college, I actually had to look a lists of emotions to identify which emotions I felt during the day. Some may say that you would like to live life without emotions. It is not all it is cracked up to be. Although you are not often sad, you are not often very happy either. Over the years I have grown. I have allowed myself to experience true sadness, happiness, joy, anger, frustration, accomplishment, nervous, excitement. Just like a roller coaster would not be fun if it was only straight and level, life would be boring and unfulfilling without emotions.
This weekend, I felt I was on a roller coaster of emotions. I was invited to multiple cookouts and events. I could not go to all of them. I wanted to make everyone happy. I became overwhelmed. I was able to recognize it and logically give myself grace to not be perfect. I began thinking of all the details that need to be sorted out and done in preparation for Mercy Ships. As the anxiety grew, I was able to remember Mom's saying "One tick at a time." A clock only ticks one second at a time. It is the seconds that build up to a minute, hour, day. I was able to step out of the anxiety.
When I arrived at the cookout, I was greeted by a German Shepherd. The owners reported he usually needs to warm up to people prior to them petting him or playing with him. Within a few brief minutes, we were playing with his toys, and he was receiving petting from me. I had a friend for the rest of the afternoon. It was nice to play with a big dog for the first time in awhile. Dogs are one thing that does make me happy!
The second cookout of the day included a young family with a five year old girl and 20 month old boy. I had a wonderful time rough housing with the boy and playing a video game with the girl which involved coloring and designing a bus. Children are another thing that I truly enjoy.
Saturday, I had the opportunity to hang out and relax with a graduate school roommate and her husband. I enjoy spending time with them as we are all able to discuss controversial topics and process our thoughts out loud without fear or concern of being judged. We were able to sit on their screen in porch, relax in the pool, eat good home cooked food, and play with a small dog who loves to be cuddled. Satisfied, relaxed, challenged mentally to think.
On my drive home, I was thinking about my roller coaster of emotions. This is not the first time I have ridden this particular roller coaster. I realized that there is a common theme in all of the emotions: feeling accepted and living in the present. As I was spiraling down with feelings of overwhelmed and anxiety, I was trying to meet standards that I had placed on myself. I was worried if I failed I would not be good enough. While playing with the dogs, children, and hanging out with good friends, I was not being judged and living in the present. I was accepted for who I was in the moment. Isn't that what we all want.
While we get glimpses and moments of being satisfied, accepted, joyful with life, I can only truly find that in Jesus. Jesus is so patient with me as I ride this particular roller coaster repeatedly. I am grateful the rides are getting shorter as I am able to cling to His truth better. In myself, I will never be enough. He, however, is enough and has already declared that through Him I met the standard. His blood makes me clean and beautiful, gives me the "A+".
We all have different roller coaster designs. Some have bigger drops and climbs than others as some are more emotional than others naturally. We all have different life circumstances. While living life we encounter challenges and difficulties, we are also able to experience joy, satisfaction, and acceptance. It is all these moments that make the roller coaster of emotions worth the ride.
When I arrived at the cookout, I was greeted by a German Shepherd. The owners reported he usually needs to warm up to people prior to them petting him or playing with him. Within a few brief minutes, we were playing with his toys, and he was receiving petting from me. I had a friend for the rest of the afternoon. It was nice to play with a big dog for the first time in awhile. Dogs are one thing that does make me happy!
The second cookout of the day included a young family with a five year old girl and 20 month old boy. I had a wonderful time rough housing with the boy and playing a video game with the girl which involved coloring and designing a bus. Children are another thing that I truly enjoy.
Saturday, I had the opportunity to hang out and relax with a graduate school roommate and her husband. I enjoy spending time with them as we are all able to discuss controversial topics and process our thoughts out loud without fear or concern of being judged. We were able to sit on their screen in porch, relax in the pool, eat good home cooked food, and play with a small dog who loves to be cuddled. Satisfied, relaxed, challenged mentally to think.
On my drive home, I was thinking about my roller coaster of emotions. This is not the first time I have ridden this particular roller coaster. I realized that there is a common theme in all of the emotions: feeling accepted and living in the present. As I was spiraling down with feelings of overwhelmed and anxiety, I was trying to meet standards that I had placed on myself. I was worried if I failed I would not be good enough. While playing with the dogs, children, and hanging out with good friends, I was not being judged and living in the present. I was accepted for who I was in the moment. Isn't that what we all want.
While we get glimpses and moments of being satisfied, accepted, joyful with life, I can only truly find that in Jesus. Jesus is so patient with me as I ride this particular roller coaster repeatedly. I am grateful the rides are getting shorter as I am able to cling to His truth better. In myself, I will never be enough. He, however, is enough and has already declared that through Him I met the standard. His blood makes me clean and beautiful, gives me the "A+".
We all have different roller coaster designs. Some have bigger drops and climbs than others as some are more emotional than others naturally. We all have different life circumstances. While living life we encounter challenges and difficulties, we are also able to experience joy, satisfaction, and acceptance. It is all these moments that make the roller coaster of emotions worth the ride.
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