Firm Foundation

Today we had the monthly voluntary rounds at lunch. These rounds are held for Children's hospital staff (RN, MD, Ancillary care, case managers). Resiliency/gratitude/wellness was the topic. We discussed how it takes resiliency to come to work every day in this environment. We discuss the importance of gratitude for the small things in life to maintain sanity. We also discussed the importance of having an outlet of fun and creativity.

Working in healthcare, it is easy to become calloused and cynical. Sometimes, healthcare workers come off as uncaring or unaffected by pts and the cases. While some of this is necessary, we still feel. Our hearts still hurt, get frustrated with situations in which children are living, frustrated with systems, corporations, and rules. We often laugh instead of cry at work.

Despite working in this environment, it never gets easier to know someone passed away. Even if you did not work closely with the patient. There are so many questions that surround what we perceive as a premature death. Death rattles our cages, gets our attention, stops us in our tracks, makes us reconsider how we are living . Over the past several months and years, several people in my circle of life have died relatively quickly. It always makes my heart heavy. I try not to dwell on it or question why it happened. After all, the only guarantees in life are taxes and death.

As I sit here tonight processing a recent friend's death, it is hard to keep going. To put one foot in front of the other to keep living the life I am called to live. I am reminded yet again how no one is guaranteed tomorrow. I am encouraged by listening to  It is well by Bethel. The lyrics "Through it all, Through it all my eyes are on you. And it is well with me. Let go my soul and trust in him the waves and wind still know his name."

These lyrics bring to mind two techniques that aid people who are walking after a significant surgery or procedure are to visually focus on a stationary object ahead and widen their base of support (their feet). The helps balance and posture. This carries over to life. I need to keep my eyes up on the One who does not change, Jesus. The waves and wind(circumstances of life) will crash and blow in life. I don't have to try to understand the state of the world, the circumstances of my life or anyone elses. I need to have a firm foundation or base of support  rooted in Jesus's truth and love. This child like faith is freeing. I can curl up in my father's lap and relax, cry, talk, or just be.

I can do this because Jesus died on the cross. He died alone. His own father forsook him. Because he died, I can talk to him, have a relationship with him, question him. Because of his death, the dying of the physical body here is not the end for Christians. He overcame death. If we have accepted him into our hearts, we will live eternally with him. We have the hope of saying see you soon rather than a firm goodbye. The hole in our hearts that dear ones leave will not be filled. We, however, can keep our eyes focus on Jesus and our firm foundation in his truth to keep our balance while we put one foot in front of another in the life he has given us to live each day.

In Between

Here we are in the new year.  Technically, it is still Christmas until January 6th (Epiphany).  I feel like I am in between in many areas of life. As a single living in a college town, I am in between being a student and having a family.  Having traveled and served abroad, I am caught between liking western medicine resources and knowing more could be done here and elsewhere. Having just received new responsibilities at work, I am caught between knowing somethings and being keenly aware of what I do not know. I have joined a small group and a running group. Well, this being a college town, we are in between semesters. This means these social events take a break as well because most people leave to see family and friends. 

During this slow time, I have been listening to several audio books. This space in time is similar to having finished one book, but one has not started another one. One story is over. One can look back remembering the ups and downs that made an interesting story line, favorite characters, best chapters. One can look forward to meeting new characters, watching a different story unfold, experience the adventures. 

Many of you know, my move here was fueled by the desire to learn more in an area of PT in order to serve people of all ages. I am in between. I am not sure what the end goal looks like practically, but continue striving for serving God. Last night, I had the privilege of sharing Mercy Ship experiences with a fellow volunteer. We served in different countries, but have had an instant connection from this one similarity. On the more difficult days, remembering adults and children I have met in the United States and in my experiences abroad brings joy to my heart. It is enough to brush off the dust of the daily grind and keep serving  and learning here.

Being in between is important. Beginning and ends only exist because of the in betweens. The line leaders and cabooses, ends of my bike lock, cogs on the gears, mountain peaks and valleys, sunrise and sunsets have significance due to the in between times. In this new year, I am hoping to progress in being content and thankful each day in this in between time.