Trail Markers

Walking by the Eno River for a couple hours on an unexpected day off provided a place for my mind to wander freely. I had intended to go to a different area of the park, but the directions were unclear. I decided to stay where I was and wander there. Several loop trails that can be attached to each other provided scenery of the shallow river and the woods. 

Although the animals were not as exotic as some recent places I have walked, I was delighted to see a fawn scamper away. Sunning turtles plop into the water off the log when I walked by them, an egret standing tall in the river, and several different species of butterflies fluttering around. Several flowers and fungi I had not seen were also fun spot. 

One reason I enjoy wandering, as aforementioned, is my mind is free to wander as well.  The once common walks after dinner, the walks in the gardens, the walks without a goal when ideas were freely discussed, pondered, and meditated are becoming uncommon. Usually if we are walking, we are walking with the purpose of exercise or transportation. We have an intention or focus. Wandering in nature often puts life back into perspective for me. Seeing things we would miss if we were in a hurry or focus on other things. I am reminded the world is bigger than what is going on inside my head or life.

On the walk today, I kept my eye out for the trail blazes.  One time when I was not confident I was on the trail I wanted, I thought the following: trail blazes let us know we are still on the correct path. If we maintain our direction, we will encounter another trail blaze confirming the way. I was struck how this is the way life with God often unfolds. We have a general game plan/trail map. We were created for his glory, our standards for living are in the Bible, we will eventually die and move into eternity. We, however, do not know what all the twists and turns of life will bring. We cannot see beyond the curve or over the hill. Like on an unknown trail, we yearn for confirmation we are where we are supposed to be. Sometimes they are more difficult to find than others. 

This was a trail in Joshua Tree...It looks like one right?

These carins were the trail markers that were scattered throughout the rocks to indicate the trail.

Look for the carins to find the trail down.

If we continue to move forward day to day with what we do know is true and right, God will give us markers. Sometimes, He will not reveal what is exactly is next, but confirm His presence and knowledge with us in the present. Just as I was getting tired of fighting for the truth in my mind and soul without a trail marker, one came in the sermon on Sunday. The sermon was on Psalm 73. It begins with the psalmist having a tantrum about how the wicked seem to be flourishing. In the middle of the psalm he goes to the sanctuary where he sees the sacrifices and is reminded of God's grace. The psalm ends with his focus returned to the goodness of God being all sufficient. Nothing in the world or his circumstances has changed that we know of, but he has a renewed understanding of the goodness of God.

These past two months, I have weekly and sometimes daily been reminded that this life does not last forever. No one is guaranteed tomorrow. While this is true all the time, interacting with children and adults after a sudden traumatic death or slow tough battle with cancer keeps this in the forefront.  Also, I have a close friend who is in his last days of his fight with ALS. A coworker of mine lost her mother in a car crash two weeks ago. The anniversary of Mom passing is around the corner. Trying to figure out how to be with the people, how to love them, how to be deal with it myself are all challenging. I think subconsciously I was trying to not deal with it by keeping busy. Business = no time to think/process/feel. 

Wanting to be perfect and knowing deep down that God is good, I was not giving myself freedom to question His goodness. The sermon Sunday not only reminded me it is okay to question, it is often the only way through the feeling and emotion. We are allowed to have the tanturms as long as we bring them to God. He usually helps us get over them. One way He and I do is by wandering in nature. This helps me renew my perspective. We are part of something bigger than ourselves. If we are Christian, we belong to God's family. Like Matthew  reminds us, if the birds of the air and the flowers of the field are beautiful and provided for, what do I have to worry about. God does not change. He is still good even when circumstances and feelings and emotions cloud our beliefs. I  am thankful for the trail markers along the path of life.

We are part of God's bigger beautiful story that began before us and will continue after us. 

Even though we feel very small and unnoticed, God does see us and care about us.

Random Thoughts

I have several, but none by themselves are enough for a blog. This is a compilation of them in one local.  I don't know if you have experienced or remember orientation in college. There are so many opportunities and groups. Where do you fit? You want to try everything to see where you want to invest your time. I have tried running group, multiple churches, comedy club, contra dance, small groups, coffeehouses, farmer's markets, CSAs. Like everywhere I have lived, I will have different groups for different interests.

I live in Carrboro which is known for being “crunchy.” I was just informed that crunchy is the new term for granola. If none of those make sense to you...Hippy will. I bike to work, bike or walk in town, decide what I will cook for the week based on what I get at the CSA (community supported agriculture). It has been weekly zucchini, but tomatoes are becoming the highlighted item.

I have come to a teahouse in the country to relax and reflect this Sunday afternoon. Friday night at the contra dance, I saw the guy who works at the bike shop, people from a church I visited, people I only see at contra. At the teahouse, I saw a guy who is a member of the CSA. I like this small town feel. It is starting to feel like a community. Even though most of the conversations have been surface level, it is nice to start seeing the same people. This is a town where highly educated people have chosen to live simply, small town lives.

The stage and play area 

Honeysuckle Teahouse

Some of the herbs and teas

I have begun attending a church that is a different culture. From what can be gathered in only a couple Sundays, this church is full of deep thinkers. Many people appear preppy and drive nice cars. Many live the suburbia life and career life well. This is an area where highly educated people have chosen to live in newly built neighborhoods with nice physical items.

I value and enjoy both. It is weird to be in one setting listening to what people say about the other. I have not experienced how unique my lifestyle/dreams are until recently. It seems strange that someone's goal would be to study to serve abroad. To love people abroad. Granted in the world where most of my interactions are with PhD candidates or medical people, the idea of not climbing the ladder or getting a paper publish is not even an option in their minds. These are all important too. In fact, this is one of the reasons I am here to learn. I am glad God has gifted people with these drives and interest so we can all benefit from the new knowledge.

Some of the thoughts I been thinking about from different conversations are as follows:

1)Our desire to be a part of a community is one that is innate. We are made in the image of God. God is communal. God is trinity (Gen 1:26-27). God created male and female. We are supposed to be in community with those who are different than us in a life giving way.

2)Aslan is the turkish word for lion. Alsan and turkish delight play contrasting roles in Chronicles of Narnia that are relevant in our lives today. Turkish delight represents our attempt to satisfy desires with earthly deceptive things. The more we eat, the more unsatisfied we become needing to eat more and more to try to satisfy our desires. The only thing that can truly satisfy and fulfill our desires is Jesus.

3)God valued the human body that he created so much that he became human and dwelt among us. We often want to look good, to meet the standard. We want this even for our food. The produced ranked on B and C scale does not get sold in the stores. Something grown in the garden or a local farm with marks /scars of sun and growth is expected. It is proof that chemicals and pesticides were likely not used. Also the produce was allowed to ripen on the vine/plant until ready to be picked. It has much more color and flavor. Why is it so hard for us to give this freedom and grace to people? No one is perfect. We all have cracks from the weather and growth life throws at us. We, however, work so hard to cover them up and not let people know. We often feel shame is sharing with someone we are not perfect and have daily struggles. 1 Samuel 16:7 "But the Lord said to Samuel.  "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the hear."

These Heirloom tomatoes are delicious and beautiful inside

Beauty in the unique shapes and color 

Both squash, yet so different. 

4)Jesus did not live an easy life. He did not fit in his culture. He never married, never had a true place to call home, was rejected countless times ( John 1:9-10), was from a carpenter in a not popular town, was misunderstood by many, and had a few close friends whom he shared his daily life (disciples). This has been bringing me comfort. He loved people (lovely and unlovely). He cared for peoples physical needs. He cared for his heavenly Father. He cared for himself. He took time to be alone, time to pray and reflect, time to be in nature.  

I will close with the beauty of some of the details of creation.